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:icondieing-life: More from dieing-life


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December 22, 2012
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______'s Point of view:

"You disgust me" I spit at Ivan, my (e/c) eyes glaring disdainfully at him. "You would not have said that a few years ago" Ivan sighs sadly, as he finishes tying me up. I look to the hard cement ground, a small tear forming in my eye. I remember how he used to be; now I don't even know him. Ivan stands up," Good-bye _____, forever." The sadness is no longer evident in his voice; it has been replaced with coldness. "I loved you" I murmur. "Loved?" Ivan questions ferociously, his voice raising," If you had loved me you would not have joined the resistance. Risen to its highest rank: the Leader. If you had loved me you would have stayed with me, my посолнух." He turns away from me, a sorrowful look in his eye; a sorrowful look, and a look of pure hatred.

Hatred for himself for turning into such a horrible monster.

Natalia smugly struts into the room, a sharp butcher knife in hand. A sadistic smile is plastered on her pale face. "Do you know what time it is?" She purrs her voice low. (Adventure Time! o3o) I gulp quietly, regretting my choice to defy the Soviets. She circles around me like a hawk, glowering at  me.

Ivan's point of View:

I sit down in the cold snow, tears streaming down my face. I'm a horrible being, correction, I'm a horrible country. I can't believe I just left ______ in that room to be tortured. To be murdered! I have betrayed my one true love; she only defied Russia because she wanted me back. The real me.
I stand up abruptly, just as a sharp scream pierces through the cold air. A sharp Feminine scream. I run towards the house, instincts taking over.

I've got to save ______!

I throw the thick wooden door open, to see Natalia hovering above ______, knife poised. ______ is covered in deep red blood, her lovely (h/c) hair spilling onto the floor. The ropes I tied her up in lay in a pile beside her.
"Natalia! Stop!" I yell quickly, fear overtaking my senses. What if ____ dies? "Why, big brother, after all it was you who instructed me to do this." Natalia smugly asks. "B-be-because I said so!" I shout.

_____'s Point of View:

I gasp, taking in as much oxygen as possible. Faint voices drift to my bloody ears. "Ivan?" I say as loud as possible. I regret joining the resistance, but all I had wanted was my love back.
"
______?" Ivan gleefully calls, rushing to my side. "I'm so sorry _____, I was misguided, please don't leave me! I love you!" He rushes, peppering my face with light kisses. "I love you too, Ivan," I weakly say," But I must go. It's my time. Never forget me, my love." The last thing I see before my vision fades to black is Ivan's tearful face, looking at me.

Ivan's point of view:

"I love you, (full name)" I whisper, tears dripping down my face. She's really gone. Forever.
Sorry it's not that great DX I was sorta winging it :iconmingplz:

Cover picture belongs to :iconmalfey:
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:iconamekumori:
The idea behind the story is really interesting. It provides a nice conflict for an XReader that hasn't been done much and brings a bit of history into the story nicely. I think it's something that could be turned into a series if you wanted to continue it.
A space between each POV change would make it clearer that that's what's going on and would make it a bit easier to read between the different POV changes. I think adding spaces might slow the flow down too because at times it seems a tad rushed. All in all though I liked it, nice job!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 10 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconshippudenbluekonan:
Just saying this right off the bat, I'm going to try to balance out the positives and negatives here. Critiques are, after all, meant to help the artist/writer improve.

The idea for the story was one that seems [from the fanfiction I've read before] fresh from the others, which brings a nice change from the very 'mainstream' ideas commonly used in the fandom. Although, there's a few things that are a bit off with this piece.

For starters, the way this begins seems to throw the reader into the scenario with little background. Perhaps a brief prologue of sorts would give more back-story to the plot, and fill in a few plot holes here and there.

The fic itself seems rather choppy in a way, in the sense that I had a hard time following along with it at first and had to re-read several parts to know what was going on.

And the last thing I'll point out is the P.O.Vs you used. They seem much too frequent and undistinguished from the rest of the fic.

The actual critique set aside for a moment, I think the fic and its idea/plot have a lot of potential if you ever considered continuing it further [or back, if you decided to pull a Star Wars on it], but has a few kinks to be worked out.

All in all, it's a decent fic, but a few things need to be adjusted to make it easier to follow and perhaps a bit more interesting.
Please keep in mind, that I'm merely making suggestions, not trying to bash you or your writing.

Hopefully, this critique was helpful and you can understand why I rated it the way I did.
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12 out of 12 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconhetaliafangirlxkira:
I shall be reborn or whatever that person said from a movie I watched when I was like 5 xD Good job me amigo/Amiga
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:iconcactusdjproductions:
CactusDJProductions Feb 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
ノ┬─┬ノ ︵ ( \o°o)\  In Soviet Russia Tables Flip You. (why did i have to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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:iconcynderxspyroyay:
YES, YES! I LOVE THESE KIND OF X READERS WHEN ITS ALL LIKE "OH I HATE YOU LEAVE ME, BUT THEN THE READER JUST ALMOST DIES AND THEN ITS ALL LIKE NOOOO MY LOVE". God I love this one! Bravo c:
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:iconthat1asianchick:
That1AsianChick Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconrainbowsheep2: ;3
Reply
:icondieing-life:
dieing-life Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

:iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2: ;3


run Aatos run eue

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:iconthat1asianchick:
That1AsianChick Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2: ;3
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:icondieing-life:
dieing-life Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2: ;3
Reply
:iconthat1asianchick:
That1AsianChick Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2: ;3
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:icondieing-life:
dieing-life Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

:iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2:

:iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2::iconrainbowsheep2: ;3 :iconraindowsheep2:

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:iconthat1asianchick:
That1AsianChick Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconrainbowsheep2: x infinity ;3 I win!
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